By Cassandra George Sturges
Until your employer has tangible proof that you are capable of doing the job that you were hired to do, you will be placed on probation for 90 days. Most companies don�t care if you break your leg or why you are late within your first ninety days on a new job. They are more concerned about detecting early warning signs of unproductive personal characteristics that may cost them money in the future. In ninety days your true character will come out in small and big ways. Employers will observe whether or not your reports are completed in a timely manner; how well you get along with coworkers; and whether or not you are a self-starter.
They are not being sneaky or underhanded in their assessment of your skills and commitment to their organization. A couple of interviews, calling a few select references and an impressive resume are not enough background resources to determine the true long-term character of a person. So before they enroll you into their 401K retirement plan and pay for your advanced college degree, most companies will observe your work ethic in 90-days to determine if you are worthy of being employed with their company.
Before interviewing your potential mate for a significant role in your life; first write down a clear description of what it is you want in a relationship. You must first establish the description, skills and experience that are needed to be in a loving relationship with you. Consider what your needs are now and how they will change over time. An employer�s ninety day assessment is analogous to dating relationships. You only need three months to determine if this person is worthy of investing your heart into the relationship.
Most people see warning signs, but think that time will change that person as opposed to time revealing to you who that person is. What a person reveals to you early in the relationship usually doesn�t change. They show you through words or deeds who they are. If you mainly focus on what you have to give the relationship, you�ll never see what the other person have to offer and secondly, determine if you are interested in what they are presenting to you.
Read the following ninety day assessment to determine if you should hire, fire or put your lover on probation.
When you first began dating him, he enjoyed going to clubs, plays and spending time at the coffee shop. Six weeks into the relationship, he can�t seem to turn the television off. You�re baffled. How could he change from Mr. Social Butterfly to Mr. Couch Potato in a matter of weeks? It�s simple. During the mating dance, in the early stages of the relationship people try to impress each other. Don�t take their dating mask at face value. The purpose of this mask is to attract and reel in a mate, but is not representative of what they are really like in a long term relationship.
Warning: Pay more attention to a person�s behavior patterns than their words. In addition to your ears, listen with your eyes. If he is telling you that he loves you and his actions indicate otherwise; believe what you see.
Take note as to why his previous relationships ended. Is he newly single because he was caught cheating on his ex-wife? Ask questions and listen to him carefully as to how he treated the women is his past. This is a good indicator as to how he will treat you in the future.
Pay close attention to how he feels about his mother and other female family members. Consciously or unconsciously most men will gauge the character of other women by their mother�s behavior. A male client once stated, �I can never trust any woman because I saw my mother having sex with my father�s brother. Dinner was always, hot, delicious and on-time when my father came home. I now see all women as two-faced whores.� He told his wife this on their first date, but she continues to wonder why he doesn�t trust her.
Bi-sexuality in more common than most people would like to admit to. Ask him if he has ever been involved in a same sex relationship in a nonjudgmental manner. You�ll never be woman enough to keep a man who is attracted to other men.
Does he call when he says that he will; is he dependable and reliable? Does he tell you that he is coming over and doesn�t show up or explain what happened? You can�t predict his behavior from one moment to the next.
He still resides in the same home with his wife or girlfriend, but is in the process of find his own place. If he had not found his own place in ninety days, tell him to call you after he has moved out on his own.
What is he looking for in a relationship and where does he see himself in five years. Are you looking for a husband with a man who has clearly stated that he is not interested in getting married or is afraid of commitments? Your kisses will not dazzle him into changing his mind. If you want marriage and he doesn�t, keep looking.
Within 90 days in most cases, you should have had your first disagreement. How does he express himself when he is angry? Is he physically or verbally abusive? If so, chances are he is not going to change.
Has he introduced you to anyone important to him? Have you met his family, close friends or job colleagues? Meeting people who know him will tell you more about him that anything he could ever tell you.
Has he ever been involved with the law? What places have he traveled to? What are some of his major dreams? What is his middle name, favorite movies, songs, and games. Be creative in discovering if the person you are dating possess the characteristics that will make you happy in a relationship.
Cassandra George Sturges MA, MA, Psy.D is a mother of two teenagers, a full-time psychology instructor, advice columnists for Today's Black Woman Magazine, Seminar facilitator, author of "A Woman's Soul on Paper" ISBN: 0595171435. Dr. Sturges is the author and publisher of Authentik Beauty Magazine. A 1 year subscription to Authentik Beauty Magazine is only $49.99 for 6 issues; mail request to: Authentik Beauty Magazine, P.O. Box 980679, Ypsilanti, MI 48197. Caution: Articles and clip art are sensuously and beautifully designed for a mature audience only. We accept cash, checks & all major credit cards.
